Lessons on storytelling: Karen Eber on telling personal stories
I like to think of content creation as an assembly line in a manufacturing factory.
Hi, it’s Mark. 👋
Welcome to my bi-weekly newsletter — a blend of actionable how-tos, book takeaways, and content breakdowns.
Today, I’m sharing my best takeaways from Karen Eber’s book, The Perfect Story.
Enjoy!
After ghostwriting 300+ LinkedIn posts for founders and thought leaders, I can say that *personal story* content is the most challenging type to write.
I still struggle with it, even after reading eight books on the subject over the last nine years.
Perhaps it's because I just read them without putting in the extra effort to turn that knowledge into a skill.
So, here I am, starting my journey to learn storytelling by collecting actionable highlights from the books I've read.
Here's the first one: My notes, highlights, and actionable takeaways from Karen Eber’s phenomenal book, The Perfect Story: How to Tell Stories that Inform, Influence, and Inspire.
Enjoy!
Why tell stories?
Sharing personal stories helps people “feel closer and more bonded to you.”
[People] will gain a more well-rounded understanding of who you are, leading to increased trust and empathy toward one another.
“As you listen to stories, you gain empathy for the storyteller, particularly when sensing their vulnerability. As empathy increases, so does trust.”
In other words, telling personal stories helps make your audience know you, relate with you, and trust you.
But don’t just tell stories for the sake of telling stories
“A story has a desired outcome—whether entertaining your audience, shifting their thinking, teaching them something new, or inspiring action.”
“You select the idea for your story only after you are clear on your audience and the outcome you want them to have.“
Personal Story Assembly line
I like to think of content creation as an assembly line in a manufacturing factory. It’s a series of steps: if you do one step at a time, you’ll end up with the finished product.
So, what does the personal story assembly line look like based on Karen Eber’s book?
Here’s my attempt to assembly-ize it:
Build your story idea bank
4 focusing questions (Get in the audience’s mind)
Select a story idea
4 plot points
Add layer 1
Add layer 2
Add layer 3
But does it work? It worked for Karen, but will it work for me? That’s for me to find out. I plan to do some personal story experiments in the coming months and share my results in a newsletter entry.
The best time to come up with a potential idea for a story is when you don’t need it.
“Regularly collect ideas—or even fragments of ideas—for things that catch your interest. Capture ideas without editing yourself by questioning, How will I tell this story for my audience? You want to generate ideas without a home in mind.” P61
“Neuroscience research validates the more you are relaxed and let your mind wander, the more brain activity and creativity you have (Raichle and Mintun 2006).”
Look for a dot
“You aren’t looking for fully formed stories. You’re focusing on finding ideas, pieces, moments, details, fragments, metaphors…even photos you can later piece together to form a story for a specific need.”
“Collect pieces of ideas or things you find fascinating. I recently read an article about the origin of air bag design being informed by origami. I also saw a disco ball in a retirement home. Both of those ideas got added to my list. I don’t know how or when I will use them, but I find something intriguing about each.”
How Karen Eber Writes a Personal Story (from nothing to a final draft)
This is my attempt to condense Karen’s system for writing personal stories. I’ll keep updating this guide as I continue to reread the book.
Step 1) Build your story idea bank
“Build this before you ever need a story.”
This applies to content writing too.
“Use various prompts to trigger thinking…Prompts help stimulate an abundance and depth of ideas.”
“Plan at least twenty minutes for this first list building. Don’t worry about how or if you will use an idea. Gather words, sentences, or phrases with enough information that will make sense when you later review them.“
Your Personal Experiences
“Personal experiences don’t mean private moments or oversharing, but they do mean including your perspective. Capture specific moments, ideas, and realizations from your experiences.”
What is a defining event in your life?
What was a situation that didn’t start funny, but you now laugh about? What would do differently if you were able?
What did you learn from a vacation adventure?
What pets did you have growing up?
What is a hidden talent of yours?
Who was your favorite teacher?
What was your first concert, car, or date?
Have you had a car break down? What did you learn?
What would you save if your home was on fire?
What is the best advice you’ve received?
What is a skill or talent you mastered?
What traditions were observed in your home?
What is something you should have thrown out but can’t part with? Ask a friend or family member:
What is your favorite thing about me?
What was I like as a child?
What did you imagine I would do for a living?
Your Professional Experiences
“What are the key moments from your professional life? Your career has rich insights for stories: first-time experiences, lessons learned, and achievements. I could focus on my professional career and never run out of stories sharing realizations and learnings…Specific moments from projects, coaching conversations, or mistakes are often rich story ideas.”
What was your first job?
What was a mistake or failure you learned from?
What was a difficult team or project you experienced?
What change made you afraid of losing or gaining something? Who was your best or worst leader?
What is a moment where you thought, This is why I do this work! When was a moment when you had no idea what you were doing? What is something you would like to do over?
What would you tell the younger version of yourself?
What are you most proud of?
What is the best advice you have received?
Step 2) Ask these four focusing questions before selecting a story to share
1. What do you want the audience to know or think because of the story?
Example:
“I wanted Grace to recognize that most of her class lectures weren’t dynamic or memorable. Stories could help her become a memorable communicator in any context. My goal for Darren was to challenge the belief he should only communicate data in presentations. I wanted him to recognize how stories can bring meaning to data and that he didn’t have to trade one for the other. I wanted both Grace and Darren to recognize the science behind storytelling. That it isn’t a soft skill, but a smarter way of communicating to engage the brain. While their application may differ, the goal for both was recognizing that stories create more trust, understanding, and meaning for the listener.”
2. What do you want them to feel or do because of the story?
Example:
“I wanted Grace to come away inspired to try storytelling in class presentations to become a dynamic and memorable communicator in her career. My goal for Darren was for him to experiment using storytelling with data and in his presentations to be more influential and memorable. I wanted both Grace and Darren to feel inspired to leverage storytelling and experience the feeling of helping an audience see something you can no longer “unsee” to shift understanding and perception.“
3. What is their current mindset?
Example:
“Grace doesn’t realize storytelling is compelling in business presentations and sharing data. She hasn’t seen it role-modeled by professors. Each of her data analytics classes talks about how data is facts and necessary to make informed decisions. Grace tells stories on social media, but it hasn’t occurred to her to use them in presentations. Darren’s company is undergoing a data transformation. Employees are encouraged to make data-driven decisions, but no one knows what that means. There are many quality issues with the data. Darren believes that data is more factual than stories. The few times he was encouraged to “Tell a story!”, he avoided it. He couldn’t think of one to tell and decided it wasn’t worth the risk of being perceived as manipulative. Both Darren and Grace think that data is fact and stories aren’t. To shift their mindsets, I needed to address this belief.”
4. What might be an obstacle in getting the audience to think, feel, or act differently?
Example:
“The obstacles are similar for the different personas. Both have the mindset that data is fact and stories are fluff. They may hesitate to communicate differently than their peers and be hesitant to use storytelling for more effective outcomes. They also share the challenge of not knowing where to find stories or how to tell them. Their perceptions of storytelling may be stuck in the belief that if you’re telling a story, you’re sharing personal details—and they aren’t comfortable with that. Creating the two personas and working through the questions helped me find the overlap in both. Their day-to-day lives are different, but their mindset on storytelling isn’t. Neither is fully aware of the science behind storytelling or how stories bring meaning to data. Before creating the personas, I was guilty of putting myself in the center. I kept thinking of stories I loved to tell and how I could make them fit. I wasn’t considering what the audience needed to hear. Once I defined the personas and answered the four questions, I saw my mistake and the stories became clear.“
“The questions help specify what you want your audience to experience in a story or communication.”
“Start with your audience. Create the persona(s). Define what you want them to know, think, feel, or do differently. Specify the outcome and what obstacles may lay in the path. It will put your audience at the center and create a foundation for your story.”
Step 3) Select a story from your personal story idea bank
You now know what impact you want to spark with the reader. Go through your personal story idea bank and select one idea that you think will help you achieve your goal.
Step 4) The 4-Part Story Structure
“The four-part story structure works whether you have twenty minutes or two weeks to put a story together. It not only organizes your thoughts as the storyteller, but it also makes it easier for the audience to follow. I’ve even used it walking down the hall to a meeting to make sure I tell a focused story that lands desired key points.
Taking the idea you’ve selected for a story, write one or two summary sentences for each of the four sections below. These become the structure for your story.“
Context
Conflict
Outcome
Takeaway
1. Context
“Describe the setting of this story: who is involved, what is happening, and why should the audience care?
As I defined the context of the TED Talk story, I mapped out each story individually to figure out how they best fit together.
Maria is at her office for a busy day and drops her phone down the elevator shaft.
Walt Bettinger, CEO of Charles Schwab, had a 4.0 in college and was about to take his final exam.
A context sentence sets the scene and significant plot points in an intentionally high-level summary. It doesn’t include every detail about Maria or Walt—or include every character.”
2. Conflict
“Describe the moment where something happens and impacts the direction of the story. This is the fuel of your story—the conflict, tension, problem, or what is at stake. It’s often the moment that sits between “before” and “after.” You can point to it as the moment that things change.
The conflict of the TED Talk story:
Maria learns her phone still works at the bottom of the elevator shaft, and includes her badge, credit cards, and driver’s license. Ray tells her it will be expensive to retrieve.
Walt is asked the name of the person who cleans the room and doesn’t know the answer.
These sentences describe the conflict needing resolution in each story. They summarize what is at stake for Maria and Walt without specific details or dialogue.
3. Outcome
“Describe the result of the conflict. What happened to what was at stake? What action is taken, and what is the result?
The outcomes of the TED Talk story:
Ray schedules the annual elevator inspection to retrieve Maria’s phone for free;
Walt fails his exam and realizes the leadership lesson he applies throughout his career.
These outcomes are high level, giving resolution to both Walt and Maria. Their path forward is implied, and there is a natural conclusion to both stories.“
4. Takeaway
“Summarize what you want your audience to know, think, feel, or do differently after the story. The takeaway lands the story idea for the audience. Try to write this as a short, pithy phrase. A succinct takeaway is easier for the audience to understand and recall.
The takeaway should map back to the desired outcome you wanted your audience to know, think, feel, or do when you defined their persona. There should be a connection between what you want for your audience and what they take away from the story. This helps make sure your story is meaningful for your audience.”
“The takeaway provides the “so what” for the story—what you want the audience to experience. Even if you never say the takeaway aloud, just having it in mind helps you be more purposeful in the telling of the story.
Walt and Maria’s stories have the same takeaway: it’s critical for a leader to help each person feel seen and valued, regardless of their role. This made it easier to pair both into one story and connect them through an overall takeaway and desired outcome.“
Note: “When you’re planning your stories, start with this simple, memorable, four-part storytelling framework. Write out four sentences for the context, conflict, outcome, and takeaway to create structure and organize plot points, regardless of the order the story is told. This creates the structure for the rest of the story to be built upon.“
That’s it for now!
I hope you had a moment of insight (or two).
See you next time!
Best,
Mark